I was born in Whitby in 1970, the second child of John and Joyce, they already had a son, my brother.
My mother herself had several experiences of premonitions
which she found very unsettling; the worst one she told us about was when she
awoke from a nightmare convinced that she had been on a plane with my father,
and that the plane then crashed, this was sometime in the 1960s. She described to him as much as she could
about the crash and they were shocked when they put on the radio in the morning
to find that there had been a similar crash.
It was only a little later when more details were revealed that they
discovered that there were 2 empty seats exactly where my mother had described
sitting with my father. She didn't like
to share much else with us as it frightened her a little, but she did tell me
that when I was a baby, light pendants would swing when I was around, and once
the hall coat stand came away from the wall and leant over me in my pram for a
while and then returned to its usual place against the wall. A little unusual I suppose you could say!
When I was 6 months old my paternal grandfather died and a
little later we moved down to Lincolnshire to live with my grandmother, who was
a big influence on my life. My
grandfather was from the Sunderland area and was also a lay-reader at the local
church; he had a very particular way with words. When I was around 18 months old I started to
have conversations with him and relay what he had said to my grandma,
unfortunately she would get very upset by this and so it was discouraged, now I
can't remember it other than being told about it by my parents. One thing I can remember clearly though (and
it is a really odd thing to still feel so vibrant in my mind) was a game of
hide-and-seek in a local park when I was around 5 years old; I had dreamt the
game the night before and knew exactly where my parents and brother were
hiding, needless to say it was quite a short game!
When I was 6 we moved to Prague, Czechoslovakia (this was
before the split to the Czech Republic & Slovakia). We lived there for just under 3 years and it
was probably one of the happiest times I can remember. There was quite a lot going on while we lived
there; we moved about 6 times (!) often at short notice as we weren't actually
supposed to be living in some of the places we did (it was still a very strict
Communist country) on one occasion my mother actually had to hide in a wardrobe
while the flat was investigated! We also
had to contend with our telephone being tapped and we were frequently followed
- writing this now all sounds like something from a spy novel but when you are
6 years old, it's all quite exciting!
Next was a move to The Hague, Netherlands. We lived here for about 9/10 months; I really
enjoyed it here too but unfortunately shortly after our move my father was
diagnosed with lung cancer. After a few
months of treatment which seemed to be very promising we had to return to the
UK for financial reasons; 5 months after our return, when I was 10 years old,
my father sadly passed away.
This really marked the beginning of a dreadful time in my life; my mother was an alcoholic, she had drunk sporadically before but now it began to get out of hand, I realise it was her way of dealing with the guilt, but it did really shut everyone else out. Luckily we had returned to live with my paternal grandmother, and she was a great influence! During this time I was also the subject of familial sexual abuse. I became a very withdrawn pre-teenager; I was angry that I had been able to talk to my grandfather after his death, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't contact my father.
I became interested in reading everything I could about
spiritual and psychic phenomenon, the 'Occult' section (as it was then called)
of the library became like a second home.
I also bought my first set of Tarot cards, and practiced reading them
all the time.
As I grew, my fascination with the cards died out slightly,
I felt that they were too 'prescriptive' if that's the right word? But my voracious reading about paranormal
subjects never did.
Time moved on, the abuse finally stopped, and I was ready to
make my own way in the world. I left
home at 18 and moved into a flat I shared with 3 other girls, I started having
fun and enjoying myself in the ‘real' world.
Eventually I met my future husband and we began living together. I didn't have much time to continue exploring
my spiritual interests so they fell to one side. I got married and had my two beloved
children. The marriage eventually failed
- I think when someone has gone through some of the things I experienced in my
childhood they tend to have low self-esteem and depression (I know I certainly
did) which can then affect future relationships if it isn't healed.
After my divorce I decided that I needed time to find out who I really was, and to ensure my children got the attention they really needed at that time. I left my job and became a stay at home mum.
That is when my life really began again. I looked back over events that had had an impact on my life and realised that a lot of what I was going through was echoed by earlier experiences, this was a fact that really interested me and one I would come back to later.
I started working again, for a Mental Health team that was just setting up a team of Counsellors; this was truly pivotal for me, and my moving forwards. I was able to talk with them about many things including my views on Mental Health, and it was lovely to be treated as an equal, and have my opinions valued. A couple of the team had an interest in spiritual matters, and we talked about subjects such as universal energy, and energy healing. Around about this time I also started visiting local Mind, Body & Spirit shows where I came across Reiki, and met the lady who was to become my Reiki teacher.
Another important point of my life was meeting my partner, Phil, I very much believe he is my soul mate, we share many viewpoints and seem to complement each other very well. The best thing about him though is that when I say I want to try something he will reply with 'Why not? You'll be able to do that no problem' instead of a scornful 'Why? You can't do that'. That simple statement has had such an effect on my life!
Over the next few years I studied Reiki, qualified to Master/Teacher level; I left the Mental Health team, and I trained and qualified as a Nurse. My Reiki teacher also ran psychic development workshops and I attended a couple of those, then Phil and I sat in a development circle at our local Spiritualist church, and we both attended a course at The Arthur Findlay College. I could feel my psychic skills building and I started reading cards again, only this time I was reading Oracle cards rather than Tarot; I felt that there was more freedom in connecting and reading with them. I found I could easily interpret them, and I got good, positive feedback from people.
I then studied Hypnotherapy but in a course that was specifically teamed up with some Shamanic practices such as Soul Retrieval; I found more and more that I was drawn to everything spiritual that held a strong connection to honouring Mother Earth, and working in harmony with the cycles of her seasons. What confused me was why I could find information about Native American Indians, and the Indigenous people of South America, but never anything from the British Isles. Despite this, whenever I saw anything written about Celtic folklore, I had to pick it up; I had a definite draw to it; in fact the logo I chose when I was offering Reiki healing and training was a Celtic Triskele - I had seen this psychically a couple of times, and even found a stone with very similar markings, actually on my birthday one year!
I began to realise I was a Pagan, and I started following the Wheel of the Year; I began to learn about the elements of Earth, Air, Fire, Water and Spirit that are an intrinsic part of Paganism. I have also returned to the Tarot, realising that the different suits are representative of the elements (apart from Spirit) and that it can help me to deepen my relationship, and to work closer with them. I also know now that it is possible to be open to psychic interpretation whilst reading the Tarot despite each card having an underlying meaning.
So, where am I now? I have started studying with a lovely lady, Kate Berridge, who works in the Celtic tradition. Finding her was a real Serendipty moment; I had parked near to Phil's shop as I needed to take something in to him, and as I walked past a shop I saw a little poster advertising a meditation group. It immediately struck a chord so I made a note of contact details and carried on with what I was doing. The next day I went past the shop again, and saw that the poster had gone! I immediately knew it had been there for me to see!! Feeling quite excited, I emailed Kate, and then spoke to her on the 'phone. I have now been working with Kate for around 18 months, and have through her been able to revisit some of my formative experiences and reclaim my energies from those moments. This has helped me no end in my own healing.
I am now planning on continuing my development still further and share little insights along the way.
Bright Blessings
Stefanie :o)
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